I don’t know what to say, doll. I wasn’t expecting anything for me in the post and it was a lovely surprise to find your card and box of chocolates. Thank you so very much, and I don’t know that it’s beautiful but I am wearing a dress today.
I went to see my doctor today. I felt sick with the anxiety of it but it was your lovely note that had me welling up with tears. The good kind, which I think says a lot. There were a few tears at the doctor’s but he was pleased that I was doing well with the antidepressants. He wanted to know if I felt I needed a higher dose but I couldn’t really say if my good days outnumber my bad days or if the reverse is true. Mostly I’m glad happy to have good days at all, it was such a long time since I last had any good days, I don’t really know how to fully deal with them. Appreciate them. My next appointment won’t be fore six weeks, by then I should have started the CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and it should make a difference. I made the right decision but it was never an easy one. It is hard as hell to be that brave and own up to depression and anxiety. Not just to push it aside as if it’s an afterthought.
This is me, this is how I am, it is not easy but friendship matters. Doesn’t matter how far apart we are, any of us are, but there is love and feeling, even when so many other parts of my heard feel like a burned out husk.
Today isn’t good or bad, and I’m okay with that. My anxiety is high, because of visiting the doctor, but I have the kettle on and I’m rereading a book on my kindle, Runemarks by Joanne Harris. I may have ‘lost’ the paperback, well not lost lost, I either leant it out or its up in the attic and I can’t be assed to go looking for it. The dust in the loft might ruin my dress.
I think about you a lot, what you’re going through, so you are somehow with me; so when I saw this box, for some reason, it called to me.
If those tears were happy tears, then I’m glad. I bet you’re beautiful in that dress ^^
Happy to see there’s always an evolution in the positive in your life right now. Even when it’s hard, we’ve got to go through the hard stuff before the good or else we won’t recognize the great moments (am I too cliché? but I feel it’s true).
You know it’s so fucking weird because we all struggle, a whole life to know ourselves, but we deny so much of our true self worth and it makes us miserable. Our brains are cut in two and we don’t have all the keys to open that horrible door between those two sides and one day we bang on that door because we stop lying and realise it’s there, you know? And that’s the hardest thing we can do, it feels like this to me, I’m not done with some aspects of my own depression - it’s easy to go back to it some days and others you are the strongest person in the world and I know it, that’s why I sometimes skip some parts of your posts, but I come back and read it a second time. It’s weird. rambling*
So anyway,I’m happy there’s so many response to your posts and even if I have a hard time talking in depth about this, know that I support you, I care about you (also your real name is lovely, I’m jealous).
a hug looks really good right now.